The Duck

Today is the Duck's birthday. As it happened, I was out moseying around (after I picked up my new reading glasses!) just as he was getting off work. Since the Susie was going to be late getting home he was on his own for dinner so he and I went to Nick's together where he regaled me w/ many stories. Let me tell you about the Duck.

He's a pretty good old boy but lands! He is a redneck born and bred. He was single and a real ladies man for awhile but that got old. He got pretty tired of the dating scene:

He often went to family reunions looking for dates, mostly finding his cousin Debra whom no one would date:



Oh he was a real ladies man alright but he was also lonely before he met the Susie and sometimes found himself in trouble, trying to drown his sorrows:



When he met his special girl and they decided to get hitched, he was determined to have a right proper wedding so they bought a book:


He spared no expense at the ritziest store in town:


Nothing but the finest for his little dumpling:


The two of them are real good to each other and have a fine time. For his birthday she made him this:

For her birthday, he gave her that but if you read the cover you can see he probably had ulterior motives -- see "possum" or as we Yankees call it, "roadkill":


Well, it wasn't long 'fore the babies started comin' and he took lots of photos of all his "pride and joys":

and

and

and

Here's a photo of them and the first little beauty queen:


Of course, with the babies for awhile there'd be no more of the finer things in life like boats:
Outdoor grills:

Riding lawnmowers:

Fancy swimming pools:

But it didn't take them long to get on their feet and become financially stable. It was the Susie's personal belief in teaching the little ones at home:


It wasn't long before they decided to renovate their house:


And since the Duck never would do without this:


the Susie insisted on the same for her home:


Her proud hubby added some of his own flavor to the remodeling project:


You have to have classy cars with such a classy home:



Still, you gotta have that quality time together so he Duck takes the kids fishing:


and he even came up with his own innovative way of measuring their catch -- he wouldn't take an illegal fish, you know:


And they all enjoy camping together:


The Duck enjoys cooking out when friends come over, which is why we never let him near the grill when he's here on the ranch:


And at Thanksgiving he insists on cooking the turkey himself:


He joins groups with his buddies because all work and no play makes him a very sad quacker:


But he's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer sometimes:


We all think it's a good thing he finally gave up deer hunting:


He tried really hard but somehow it just never worked out for him. He never did figure out why.

So today he's a year older and tonight he'll put his tooth in water:

Just like my granny did.

At Christmas there'll be the usual big celebration:



Everyone, I mean everyone has a real good time:


Sometimes him and my daddy have such a good time together they just fall asleep standing up:



And you know that Duck will put up his usual Christmas decorations:


So Duck: I know I got you good at the restaurant tonight, and you'll lay awake tonight plotting against me. But remember -- You will never get me nearly as well as I always get you -- even if Daddy does help you!! You know what we Yankees always say, don't you?

And by the way, I'm really sorry I told them you're now a Senior Citizen. I didn't realize they believed me until they gave you a Senior Citizen's Discount on your dinner. And I really didn't know they were going to advertise to the whole restaurant, "It's his birthday today!! This is his first day as a SENIOR CITIZEN!!" But I did sort of figure they'd come out clapping and singing you a song!!!!!! You will never get me that good so just feel free to wave the white flag anytime you want, dude! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Oh man ... I really crack myself up!!!!!!!! Gee. I just thought of something: You know every single person in that restaurant. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh me ...