The Funniest Thing I've Seen/Heard in YEARS!!

This is gonna kill you it's so hysterical.  I first saw it on HLN and I laughed until tears streamed down my face.  That doesn't often happen -- trust me -- like maybe once per year.  It's not gonna fit the page perfectly but believe me, it's worth the sloppy look!!

ENJOY!!

RAPID-FIRE POST

So, this is going to be a really fast post.  I have a lot to say, tons of pet peeves to complain about and so on, but tonight -- this morning I have no time.  For now I have two quick notes: The first is:
REALLY SLICK
This is a collection of 3D accelerated screensavers, all updated yesterday but more importantly, they're gorgeous!  The collection includes:
Cyclone
Euphoria
Field Lines
Flocks
Flux
Helios
Hyperspace
Lattice
Microcosm
Plasma
Skyrocket
Solar Winds
to name a few!  Did I mention they're FREEBIES?  You can install all, or a few, and you can trust me, they're virus-free.

And the last tidbit I'm sharing tonight is, tomorrow night it's a full moon: the Strawberry Moon!

Later ... 
 

The Time Did NOT Fly ...

Nor was I having a damn bit of fun.  But my day is coming.  Soon.

I am SO OVER a ton of things, and I'm about ready to tell every single person I know precisely what I think of them.  You think that's a bad thing?  Perhaps ... but perhaps not, depending on whom you are and how much you've screwed me over because I just took it, I swallowed it, I'm the damned peacemaker!!

Stay tuned.   

Images ... I Have Images

Lots of images! Believe it or not, I took them all w/ my cell phone. Well, it was the most convenient at the time. It goes where I go, where all the other cameras don't necessarily do that. The photo of the puppy is Precious, my Czech Wolf Dog who just had a birthday on Valentine's Day, two days after mine!

These are the boys, the Palominos. Cosmo, the baby, and Snickerdoodle, my main man! You can see I just gave them apple cookies, they're still licking their chops!
The baby has grown all he's going to, I think. but he's 14.2hh and 900 lbs. That's pretty typical for a Doc Bar baby although I'd hoped he'd make 15hh, and really thought he would because his mama is 15.1hh. This particular photo is slightly deceptive because Snickers is actually 16.1hh. He isn't exactly standing up straight, he's kind of slumping I think.

Next is Roger, my Siamese. That's how he tries to tell me he wants attention now, he flops down on the bed or floor, rolls around, flops back and forth until I say something to him to acknowledge him. My last Siamese did that very same thing! But that's the only characteristic the two have in common, the only one.
He really and truly does have blue eyes, and yes, they're crossed. Poor soul.

This is -- well, this is funny. I've been telling Daddy forever I want a TN Fainting Goat but noooooo! The fact is, our pasture wouldn't hold a goat, the fencing would permit an escape. So Daddy got me a stuffed Billy Goat whom we call Bill. This is Precious snuggling up to Bill on the bed.
You can tell they're both ready for sleepy-bye! The thing about Bill is, he's pretty big and he's very poufy, more cuddly than any other stuffed animal I've ever had my hands on. I used to travel w/ Charlotte, my Beanie Baby sized stuffed cow but now I take Bill w/ me. No, I am not embarrassed when I check in to hotels w/ Bill. I gotta be able to sleep and I certainly can't unless I have my arms wrapped around someone.

Finally, this is my little Penguinista! Isn't she gorgeous?? But she's terribly shy, unbelievably shy. My son lived here for a year and she didn't come out to see him one single time!! She hides whenever anyone else is in my nest, she's absolutely terrified of people -- anyone except me. She's quite friendly and sweet w/ me, just a precious little girl.
Okay so maybe she is sort of chunky. But were she a normal weight for her height she'd be just a tiny thing. I think she's precious! She's also a rescue, and I just thank God I was here for her.

Oops! I nearly forgot! This is for you, Shan!!
I know how you love Gerald!

So my nest is renovated but not completely finished. The color RED of this font is just about the same color in my kitchen and it is fabulous! It's red and chrome and totally gorgeous! My bathroom is full of the palm tree motif now and I love it! I have a real bed, a sleep-number-tempur-pedic, and all of us sleep like babies! If you look behind the photo of my little Penguin, you can see the infamous Leg Lamp! I adore that lamp, a replica from Ralphie's daddy's from A Christmas Story which I watch every single year. (Many times.) My son bought me the anniversary edition DVD and it's priceless to me.

My parent's anniversary is coming up soon. It'll be 39? 40? years! Unbelievable -- I cannot imagine it. They expressed interest in taking a little trip so I got everything set up for them and yesterday they decided they don't want to go after all. Sigh! It's all expenses paid so it looks I'll be going. Bigger sigh! I'm not prepared for this emotionally or physically, I have tons of things to do before I leave ... Even BIGGER SIGH! It's stressing me more than you'd believe. OH! I almost forgot! This is my latest acquisition, a Keepall 55 so I can travel in style! *smile* It's really big so my tendency to pack everything I'd need in any eventuality is all taken care of now! Still ... I think I'll get another one day, a different size of course.
I tell you truly, I'm going to have to get rid of all my Coach bags -- at least most of them because I simply don't use them except for one or two. I mostly use my Louis Vuitton bags ... It's a sickness, really. Trust me, don't even get involved w/ designer handbags or you'll be hooked too! I have either four or five Coach bags I've not yet removed the tags from -- yeah, gotta get rid of those. I mean, they're taking up space! I've given so many away, even three LVs that a girlfriend fell in love w/. I knew she'd never be able to get one for herself. She has three kids, she's a stay-at-home mom, and she really, really loved them so -- off they went! She knew what LV is -- her mother-in-law carries them and personally, I thought this girl deserved them. Certainly more than I do.

It's summertime in the south! We had a couple of weeks of spring and now it's gettin' into the 80s! The grass is greenin' up, the mama deer are beddin' down, fixin' to have their little ones so we don't see them in the new pasture as much as we did, the trees are buddin' out and the Buttercups have been up for weeks. In other words, it's hot down here!! And it's not even July ... *SCREAM!*

Gotta run, I'm working on another reservation for my parents! And this time they better use it! *smile*

Discombobulated

My life, since early November, has been the most confusing, confounding, rattling, bewildering, and discomfiting I could have ever imagined. It began w/ the holidays which of course one expects but what began as a spectacular, nearly mind-blowing holiday season (literally) ended on an entirely unexpectedly lame note. Some days prior to New Year's Eve the heat went out in my nest. Heck fire, it was 70° here, what did I care? When it dropped to 40° at night I began caring. And so began the entire renovation of my nest, ceiling to floor (including new heat) and wall to wall. All the items I've been purchasing diligently over the past months has gone into my nest, but it's not over yet! There is still so much to do ... !

A Wolf Moon

So how was everyone's Christmas and New Year? I'm gonna assume you're still all alive and well, and no one was involved in any New Year's-related incidents. Good! We're all great here, we and our extended families, the friends who say, "You're not friends to us, you're folks!" (But that's how they are in the south, God bless 'em, and they truly mean it!) No sick animals, no more paramedics taking Daddy to two different hospitals, and Mama's still rolling around on her "little wheels." She doesn't actually have wheels mind you, but she's such a go-getter, run, run, run from the moment she opens her big brown eyes until she beds down for the night I've always said, "Here she comes, on her little wheels," something I find precious. I did have a sick horsey on 29 December, my Snickerdoodle. We thought he was colocking so Daddy gave him a pain injection and we set to walking, walking, walking him but I could hear no gut sounds out of him. Ordinarily, if a horse colics his tummy will roar and I told Daddy, "I just don't think this is colic." But I didn't know exactly what was going on except that Sir Snickers just didn't feel well. For me, the eyes give it away. I once predicted one of our horses was going into colic from the look of his eyes, and I was right -- didn't take very long. Well, my boy's eyes just didn't look good and I knew something was going on but I didn't know what. On one of my trips back and forth as I walked Snickers in the stable Daddy stopped us, said it looked like he had a swollen area near his flank. I looked and sure enough, he had a lump, and when I palpated it he turned around and looked at me so it was definitely tender. No doubt he'd gotten kicked -- which happens w/ horses, either in play or by a moody mare (in our case) but he was swollen and tender and even though I offered him treats including his absolute favorite, carrots, he wasn't having any of it. So we walked him more and pretty soon he reluctantly took a carrot, then he began snarfing the carrots as well as apple treats. After that, we stabled him for a few hours and gave him only hay but when we next went to check on him he really wanted out of his stall to be outside w/ his buddies so we turned him out and he's been fit as a fiddle ever since. Thank God for that! As I've said previously, horses are magnificent, powerful animals but in many ways they're also very fragile. Remember Barbaro? Excellent example. Barbaro will walk w/ a tremendous limp for the rest of his life, and it was only his heart that pulled him through. He had the best medical care, true. But the boy got heart and he just wanted to live, so between that and constant prayers, Barbaro is hale and hearty, albeit w/ tremendous difficulty walking which he'll never recuperate from.

Christmas on the ranch was lovely as always. I mostly made Thanksgiving dinner so Mama returned the favor on Christmas and that little girl has some specialties that'll make you cry. Or in my case, drool and make such a pig of myself I probably regained five hard-lost pounds. *sniff!* November was a busy month but it was dead in the water compared to what December turned out to be for me, but that was a very Good Thing. I decided to make a gazillion Christmas cookies and after I burned up my poor mom's mixer doing so she ran right out and got me a big MixMaster and you'll never believe this one: IT'S RED! Are you even believing that? My kitchen has that color appliances -- toaster, microwave, coffeemaker, etc. I suspect she could have found something comparable for less $ but you'd have to know my mom -- she gifted me w/ something special. That's the kinda girl she is, which is where I got that tendency my own self. So that actually was my first Christmas gift and the Good Lord knows, I'da been one happy girl if that's all I'd gotten. Oh my stars, it's fabulous and now I can make homemade bread -- which is the first thing Mama said to me when we unpacked it. She tickles me sometimes! So we baked cookies and oh my stars, she was a tremendous help to me! Once baked we set to decorating. Now, I'd already strongly suggested to Daddy that he could help decorate and he sort of went along w/ the program however, on the evening we were to do this, he decided he'd go to a horsey doin's. Uh-huh. I told him he was risking his Christmas w/ Santa Cow (Santa Cow comes to our house, right down the chimney!) but he paid me no mind, and evidently he was a very good boy last year because he had a lovely Christmas -- we all did! Christmas is the only time of year I really get to spoil my parents terribly, and even if I do say so myself, I did admirably. But they're no slouches in that department either.

It's a Wolf Moon tonight -- but that's nothing special since I own a Slovakian Wolf Dog. She howls anytime she feels like it, doesn't have to be a special occasion either.

Just a Note ...

to say no, I've not fallen off the face of the earth! But I have been extremely busy, busier than usual this holiday season! But that's good for me.

This is for you, Sharmy! I know how you've missed the little darling!



Awwwwwww! Isn't he sweet??

Another thing -- I bought my parents this for Christmas:



However, I gave it to them early because I thought it would take us all two years to learn how to use it. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be too easy! Naturally, this required the purchase of a DVD-R as well so those two items alone were ooooh, pricey. Previously, I had a DVD-VCR but now w/ the new one I'll be able to do lots of different things! That is, if I actually learn how to use it.



It doesn't look very scary but it is!! This is what it says:
Panasonic Progressive-Scan Multiformat DVD-R/-RW/RAM/+R/+RW Recorder/VCR Combo
Use this DVD recorder combo to record your favorite shows onto DVD. Featuring VHS capabilities, a built-in 80GB hard drive and select SD/PC card compatibilities, this DVD recorder is versatile in its ability to store and record on a variety of different media.

Can someone explain that to me in English?? Kill me.

I have to go to the Big House now and wrap gifts. Tomorrow Precious goes to the groomer, Friday I see Cindi so I have to have gifts for those in her office as well as cookies ready to go for her, plus I'm delivering cookies and gifts tomorrow evening for friends and family. Mama helped me bake and decorate the cookies, while Da conveniently skipped out for a horse doin's. That's okay, he's already made up for it: Yesterday he bought us tickets for the Bud Lite PBR Championships!! Woo-hoo!! We went last year too and had a blast! You know -- Father/Daughter Fun.

Gotta run -- Sending my love to all!

The Duck

Today is the Duck's birthday. As it happened, I was out moseying around (after I picked up my new reading glasses!) just as he was getting off work. Since the Susie was going to be late getting home he was on his own for dinner so he and I went to Nick's together where he regaled me w/ many stories. Let me tell you about the Duck.

He's a pretty good old boy but lands! He is a redneck born and bred. He was single and a real ladies man for awhile but that got old. He got pretty tired of the dating scene:

He often went to family reunions looking for dates, mostly finding his cousin Debra whom no one would date:



Oh he was a real ladies man alright but he was also lonely before he met the Susie and sometimes found himself in trouble, trying to drown his sorrows:



When he met his special girl and they decided to get hitched, he was determined to have a right proper wedding so they bought a book:


He spared no expense at the ritziest store in town:


Nothing but the finest for his little dumpling:


The two of them are real good to each other and have a fine time. For his birthday she made him this:

For her birthday, he gave her that but if you read the cover you can see he probably had ulterior motives -- see "possum" or as we Yankees call it, "roadkill":


Well, it wasn't long 'fore the babies started comin' and he took lots of photos of all his "pride and joys":

and

and

and

Here's a photo of them and the first little beauty queen:


Of course, with the babies for awhile there'd be no more of the finer things in life like boats:
Outdoor grills:

Riding lawnmowers:

Fancy swimming pools:

But it didn't take them long to get on their feet and become financially stable. It was the Susie's personal belief in teaching the little ones at home:


It wasn't long before they decided to renovate their house:


And since the Duck never would do without this:


the Susie insisted on the same for her home:


Her proud hubby added some of his own flavor to the remodeling project:


You have to have classy cars with such a classy home:



Still, you gotta have that quality time together so he Duck takes the kids fishing:


and he even came up with his own innovative way of measuring their catch -- he wouldn't take an illegal fish, you know:


And they all enjoy camping together:


The Duck enjoys cooking out when friends come over, which is why we never let him near the grill when he's here on the ranch:


And at Thanksgiving he insists on cooking the turkey himself:


He joins groups with his buddies because all work and no play makes him a very sad quacker:


But he's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer sometimes:


We all think it's a good thing he finally gave up deer hunting:


He tried really hard but somehow it just never worked out for him. He never did figure out why.

So today he's a year older and tonight he'll put his tooth in water:

Just like my granny did.

At Christmas there'll be the usual big celebration:



Everyone, I mean everyone has a real good time:


Sometimes him and my daddy have such a good time together they just fall asleep standing up:



And you know that Duck will put up his usual Christmas decorations:


So Duck: I know I got you good at the restaurant tonight, and you'll lay awake tonight plotting against me. But remember -- You will never get me nearly as well as I always get you -- even if Daddy does help you!! You know what we Yankees always say, don't you?

And by the way, I'm really sorry I told them you're now a Senior Citizen. I didn't realize they believed me until they gave you a Senior Citizen's Discount on your dinner. And I really didn't know they were going to advertise to the whole restaurant, "It's his birthday today!! This is his first day as a SENIOR CITIZEN!!" But I did sort of figure they'd come out clapping and singing you a song!!!!!! You will never get me that good so just feel free to wave the white flag anytime you want, dude! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Oh man ... I really crack myself up!!!!!!!! Gee. I just thought of something: You know every single person in that restaurant. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Oh me ...

Daddy and Bucky

**Friday**
No, I'm not talking about a friend named Bucky, I'm talking about the Real Deal: He got him an 8 point -- almost 9 point buck this morning. Thank heavens that's over! I'm thinkin' he'll probably keep going out because Uncle Steve hasn't gotten one yet, and Lord knows he can't go out alone in his wheelchair to hunt! Wait -- Uncle Steve has been going out in his little mini-car to hunt, not his wheelchair. Poor soul. This morning he saw two 4 points but they were too far away. Everyone else has gotten a deer -- Uncle Rex, Daddy and even my cousin's husband Sarma and it was the first time he ever went deer hunting. Now Uncle Steve needs to get him a bigun'! My daddy just hauled Bucky off, and I'm glad. It was so beautiful, and for once his big old tongue wasn't stickin' out. I took photos w/ my 35mm. and I'll post one when I get it processed. That was one big deer! Sad. When I come back from town night before last it was about 6.15 PM. I turned off Natchez Trace onto Pin Oak and there was a little bitty fawn right by the side of the road, just as plain as day. She was tiny, about 1/2 the size of Precious and I was scared she was gonna dart out across the road so I creeped by as slowly as I could. I didn't see Mama but you can bet the ranch she was watching Baby. That's why Daddy doesn't want to take a doe.

I slept all night w/ the windows open and like to smothered to death. They're still open but at least now there's a nice breeze coming through. Another hot day but then it'll turn to winter down here again: 50°and rain. I miss snow.

**Saturday**
Bucky is long gone, all that remains is his ... *gulp* ... head, I think. Gross. The rest of him is at Hay's Meat House or whatever it is. This is kinda funny: When Da was deer hunting he counted I believe he said 39 turkeys in the clearing -- boys and girls, or whatever they're called -- so he got his deer and today went out turkey hunting. Didn't see a one. *snicker* I mean, is it really necessary he murder every animal on our land? Hunting season just began, for heaven's sake! I feel bad for them ... I know, I know, it's the balance of nature and all that crap but it still breaks my heart.

So. Do y'all know about the Lips Urinal? Now this is disgusting. Get a load of it:
Yeah. Can you believe this thing? It's called the Kisses! Urinal and this hunk of porcelain can be installed in any home, where it will undoubtedly amuse both you and your guests who might fancy a tinkle. The upside: With this as their target you may finally break their disgusting habit of sprinkling on the floor. Maybe. How would you like this?

Oooh, classy. However, they're all over Europe, and they can keep 'em far's I'm concerned.
DISGUSTING

So tomorrow is the church's Thanksgiving dinner and it looks like every thing's gonna turn out just fine despite my mom stressing about it. She made the pea salad (using English peas, of course) that everyone but me loves, dressing and I'm sure something else but it just fell out my head. I made like a gallon of gravy plus Samantha's Famous Deviled Eggs. Daddy sampled everything just to make sure it was up to his high standards! He tickles me when he does that.

And you thought you had a lousy day, how would you like to be this person? Officials in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, spotted what could be a rare World War One stamp on an absentee ballot on election night. But by the time they discussed what kind of stamp it was, the envelope it came on was already locked in a ballot box. Of course, it cannot be opened once sealed so it'll be another 22 months before anyone knows if it's the infamous inverted Jenny. However, it's worth a lot less than what it once was because it's been canceled! Sad.
NO LONGER $200K

This is also ridiculous, and I've been left wondering what were they thinking? Check out the luxury laptop which also includes a built-in videocam that has "a mirror-like function ... to allow you to check your style," according to the laptop maker's Web site, Ego-Lifestyle. Yeah, I'm gonna plunk down $5K for a laptop I'm sure to replace in 18 months.

Mind you, that's the el-cheapo laptop. For the ritzy one w/ platinum and diamonds click the link:
ASININE
It's still gonna be a hunk of junk, a freaking dinosaur in 18 months!! Sheesh.

And this is a Good Thing: Barbaro's cast was removed last Friday!! He is in no way out of the woods and still suffers from laminitis in his right hind leg which occurs frequently when horses put too much weight on one leg. But Big B is definitely on the mend!! I can think of no horse more loved by the world than he.

LOTS OF LOVE

The article states, "thousands of fans worldwide who have sent cards, posters, carrots, apples, candies and flowers. 'And Barbaro is not greedy,' reports Bellwether, the school's newsmagazine. 'Of the thousands of treats sent to him, he enjoys what he can, and shares the rest with other equine patients.'"

Such a precious boy. God bless you and keep you, Barbaro. Our prayers are with you always.