Michigan Super Bowl Etiquette

For those who will be attending the Super Bowl tomorrow, which does not include me, thankfully!

For all non-Michiganders coming to the Super Bowl this weekend:

1. First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It’s Deh-TROIT, not DEE-troit. If you pronounce it DEE-troit we will assume you are from Toledo and here for the country music hoe-down.
2. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 am to 10:00 am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning. Weekends are open game.
3. If you actually stop at a yellow light you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. If you’re first off the starting line when the light turns green, count to five before crossing the intersection. This will avoid getting in the way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep from getting shot.
4. Schoenherr and Gratiot can only be properly pronounced by a native of the Detroit metro area.
5. Construction and renovation on I-94, I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, the Lodge and the Southfield freeways are a way of life. Cope.
6. If someone has their turn signal on it is either a factory defect or they are out-of-towners.
7. All old men (or women) with white hair wearing a hat have total right-of-way.
8. Stop signs are optional.
9. Speed limits are merely suggestions.
10. The minimum acceptable speed on I-696 and I-275 is 85 regardless of the posted speeds. Don’t even think of allowing more than one car length between vehicles.
11. That attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is not ornamental. Do not get out of your car to take pictures.
12. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says “Keep honking, I’m reloading.” He/she is.
13. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone people are not waving because they are so friendly in Detroit. I suggest you duck.
14. I-275 and I-696 is our daily version of NASCAR.
15. That’s not a lake, it’s a pothole.
16. If someone tells you it’s on Outer Drive you better hope you have a map.
17. The Michigan left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a mile past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make another left, then make a right when you get back to the intersection where you wanted to turn left in the first place. Now you have gone left.
18. Those 2 really ugly arches over Telegraph? Don’t ask, we don’t know either.
Thanks to Tamityville!


Special Notes to:
Crusty Cousin - Get well soon, sweetheart!
Sister - Thank you, and you know what for.