Family News

Good morning! Okay so it's ten till noon -- that's still morning Central time. Just took my morning meds (I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!) so I figure between the Ritalin and double-shot espresso I should be rarin' to go here directly. First of all, let me tell my Large Font Lovers I have been listening, and after deep thought on the subject I have decided to grant your request. Until the next time I forget to reset the size of the font.

I've been busy this morning because as usual, everyone wants a piece of me. The newest request comes from my auntie who lives across the road, the other half of my Uncle Steve who still languishes in hospital. Aunt Pat was terrorized by two pit bulls who are owned by a couple who live down the road in a place she and Uncle Steve rent to them. She scooped up the two cats, Tom and Blackie Boy, throwing them in the garage and then ran for the house. Aunt Pat said she heard I'm good w/ a .357 Mag and hinted perhaps I could avail myself to some target practice the next time I see those two pit bulls. Which, unfortunately, is not illegal if I feel threatened. Here's the deal: The dogs bullied Aunt Pat and Aunt Brenda this morning (Aunt Brenda was outside puffing, the poor soul -- bleah!); I find out today they were on my auntie's front porch yesterday when my mom was there taking care of Jaden, the yappie little Yorkie and Mom was trapped; Aunt Pat also said once recently when I let Legs out the two pit bulls had been in my side yard and she was concerned had they still been there they would have killed Legs; Further, she was concerned about them attacking the horses ... So I told her maybe I could do a little "target shooting" the next time I see those four-legged bullies coming down the road. And then I thought, "EGAD! What did I just say?" I must be out of my gourd ... Could I really murder another living being? I mean, really? I can't even go hunting w/ my da, I cringe every time I hear a rifle because I know another Bambi just bit the dust. And then I remembered I once killed a nasty black snake right here in my circular driveway because I was afraid it would attack my little wolf. Thinking back, sometimes I really don't use the brain the Good Lord give me, do I? Anyway, I killed it and it didn't even gross me out until much later in the day. But a dog ... I guess it would depend on how threatening I felt it was.

That done, our conversation turned to Uncle Steve who has been hospitalized since the day before Thanksgiving, 2005 w/ the exception of the six hours between his release from the triple-bypass surgery and the onset of the stroke. For the past at least six weeks he's been having "muscle spasms" in his right leg, painful muscle spasms. For some time he gritted his teeth until the pain caused him to lose consciousness but now he screams out. On Monday they kept him so deeply sedated that he slept from 9.00 am until ... I don't know when he ever woke up but when I spoke to Cousin Tara at 9.30 pm he was still conked out. That was when the neurology team here contacted Vanderbilt University Medical Center for advice, which they took but has done absolutely no good whatsoever. As of Thursday Vanderbilt has agreed to admit him however, they're waiting for a bed. When one comes open they'll transfer Uncle Steve there and hopefully a solution will be found. One neurologist here said, "I've been doing this for fifteen years and I've never seen a case like this. We don't know what else we can do." This is not the best news I could give you, or that we could receive. I have not known Uncle Steve to be so near death, and that frightens me. I love him dearly and I don't feel his job is finished here yet.

On a good note, Crusty Cousin sent me the following. Our family was born and bred in IL as you know. Enjoy, and please know every statement is true. Oh so true ... *lol*

Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
November through March, you might
live in Illinois.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for
five months out of the year,
you might live in Illinois.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving
round the middle of his forehead, you might live in Illinois.

If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the
same time, you might live in
Illinois.

If your town has an equal number of bars and
churches, you might live in
Illinois.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ILLINOISAN WHEN:

1. Vacation means going north or south on I55
for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer
more than once.

4. You o ften switch from heat to AC in the same
day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a
raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You carry jumper cables in your car and your
girlfriend knows how to use them.

7. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit.

8. Driving is better in the winter because the
potholes are filled with snow.

9. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter,
winter, still winter, road construction, and It's Hot.

10. Your idea of creative landscaping is a
statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

11. Down south means Missouri to you.

12. A brat is something you eat.

13. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.

14. You have more miles on your snow blower than
your car.

15. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly".

16. When the temperature reaches 50 degrees, it
is a heat wave, time to bring out the short
sleeve sweaters.

17. You actually understand these jokes, and you
forward them to all your Illinois friends. (What's not to understand???)

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. While you're doing that I'm posting my favorite movie quote of all time:

From Midnight Run (1988)
Starring Charles Grodin, Dennis Farina, Martin Brest, Robert De Niro, Yaphet Kotto
Jimmy Serrano: "Is this moron #1? Put moron #2 on the phone."

Okay, so it's a private joke ... You had to be there.

More later --