Yeehaw, the Big Day is almost here! Is everyone excited? I'm just about beside myself because of the gifts I bought -- at least, the ones I don't have to return now. Those make me sad, it's nothing less than a tragedy because they would have been enjoyed by several, not just the recipient but it can't be helped. I don't think I'll battle the returns till probably my birthday in February. Or I might just leave them in the giant box in the ... you guessed it: tool shed!
I sort of have a bad attitude about this whole situation like, 
So I'm sitting here sipping coffee
out of my Kliban Christmas mug, looking outside ... at the rain. This is what I'm not seeing on my ranch:
That's just sad. I don't know why I torture myself. I don't see this either:
My poor horses wouldn't know what to do if they saw snow -- any significant snow, I mean. They have enjoyed an inch or two but the baby who is three, hasn't seen much. He's so deprived!
I drove back to the ranch last night about 7.00. It was so warm I had my window down plus the two rear ones in the SUV were down about an inch. Across from the factory I saw Roy Dee had a few spindly Christmas trees left. He puts them out in his front yard for sale the day after Thanksgiving, apparently sells quite a few. Down the way the Triangle House was all lit up like ... well, a Christmas Tree. It's actually an A-Frame but the entire front, every square inch has lights on it so it looks like a big old triangle. Blue Man Group were all lit up -- that's a house where a couple of good old boys live and they use only blue lights. And then the Bush People were lit up too -- so named because they only put lights on their two shrubs out front. And way out across from Jay's shop a trailer home moved in. Used to be just a corral there w/ a bunch of goats in it but now that trailer's there. They got one strand of lights around their doorway. That's it. And because I chose to drive through the forest instead of the back way I got a surprise: Mr. Willie Fay has white lights all over his dang old house! I didn't expect that one.
My daddy has gone to be w/ Uncle Steve for the next 24 or so hours. You'll remember -- if you caught the posts on my previous blog (sixteen months of it) before 181.syracuse-06rh15rt.ny.dial-access.att.net 12.75.117.243 deleted it along w/ all my photos -- the day before Thanksgiving Uncle Steve had a massive heart attack followed by an emergency triple bypass. After spending five days in the hospital and then feeling fit as a fiddle he came home where he spent a total of eight hours before he had a stroke. A blood clot traveled from his heart and his right side is now severely debilitated. He's beginning to talk a little and he can move his right leg, even put a little weight on it but as far as I know he's not yet moved his right arm. My aunt has hardly left the hospital during this past month, and only when Uncle Rex or Daddy can spend the night there w/ Uncle Steve. He'd wanted an 8 hour pass so he could come home for Christmas but Aunt Pat found out the insurance company felt if he could leave for 8 hours, he could leave forever and they would discontinue paying for his rehab. No doubt that broke his heart -- I know it broke ours! But everyone got together to work out a compromise: Daddy is at the hospital so Aunt Pat can have Christmas w/ Tara and the girls tonight. Tomorrow morning she'll attend church and then be at the hospital around noon to relieve Daddy. When he gets home, I'll go to the Big House and we'll have our Christmas. We don't mind -- it's a very small price to pay, no price actually. I love my uncle and would do anything to see him smile again.
As promised, the following are a few last minute gift ideas:
This year, give gifts that they’ll never forget. Or forgive.1. A bucket of fresh, molten lava
2. Their very own Manure Spreader
3. A stack of stolen newspapers
4. A Nad's Hair Removal kit
5. A map of Guam
6. A new tongue scraper
7. An actual Jivaro shrunken head
8. A sea lamprey
9. A date with the Daytime Hooker from My Name is Earl
10. A bowl of eyelashes
What are you planning on buying this year? If you have any better ideas feel free to post them!
And finally ... I couldn't leave you w/out this:
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns; they grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.
They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; he could not say a word.
This was just like all of the stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know; they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus and he's brought us some toys.
The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"
"Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag, and threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer; it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!
Oh, me ...
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