Thursday

Mood:
Grumpy, want to be left alone.
Rerun of yesterday when I was not left alone.

It looks like winter outside today and in fact, it's 40° which is really brisk for down here. "Normal" this time of year is 55°- 60°. On Monday and Tuesday it was a disgusting 70°! I don't think we'll even see a rare flake of snow this year. You know, it's still pretty coming down even if it doesn't stick because the ground is too damn warm! My great friend Lissy lives in Eden, UT (think Park City) high in the mountains and this is her forecast for today:
a snow advisory remains in effect until 5 pm mst this afternoon.
snow showers will continue over the wasatch mountain valleys and the central utah mountains north of i-70 this morning before decreasing during the afternoon. additional snow accumulations of 1 to 4 inches can be expected through 5 pm today.
a snow advisory means that periods of snow will cause primarily travel difficulties. be prepared for snow covered roads and limited visibilities...and use caution while driving.
Her five day forecast is literally snow every day, and it'll remain that way until April! I miss Utah! We had tons of snow but it was so powdery, so light I could shovel the driveway myself in about ten minutes. I loved it there and wouldn't have left if Daddy hadn't become ill. However, in many ways I have a much better life here.

The holiday season 2005 is nearly over and on 2 January I'll finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief. I dislike the holidays anymore. I didn't used to -- I was a big holiday girl! At Halloween I bought pumpkins but didn't carve them so I could keep the pulp to make fresh pumpkin bread and cookies for Christmas. I baked thousands of cookies -- like six different kinds -- and gave them to my neighbors and friends. But those are times long past. The Kliban Christmas mug is put away and this morning I'm drinking my coffee out of the U.S. Space and Rocket Center mug w/ my name on it that my parents got me on vacation a couple of years ago. I really miss the Holiday Girl sometimes but these days I can't find motivation to do more than let the wolfie out to potty in the mornings. If Legs wasn't so insistent I probably wouldn't do that much. Dr. Winston is going to change my meds again when I see him on 19 January but I believe I'm staying on Effexor XR, and probably Valium. The panic attacks frighten even me, I feel like I'm having a heart/asthma attack. Therefore, I think he's just adding something else to the "cocktail." I did have a bottle of Xanax that worked very well but it's gone. I don't know where it got to but it's not here. Another thing I despise: The medication ritual twice daily. I have more pet peeves than there are molecules in the air. Trust me. I'll post a list sometime -- you won't believe it.

I often wonder how the Ovation worked out ... I wish I knew. But, I'll never know now so I must try to let it go. Forget about it.

Update on Uncle Steve:
Of course he's still hospitalized in the rehab unit. He's coming back slowly, very slowly. He still has no use of his right arm and the right side of his face is still distorted. It tears me up seeing my vibrant, active sweetheart this way but we're all in agreement of that. He's begun to sort of walk w/ a walker and gaining strength daily. And he's talking a little more now although it frustrates him when he's misunderstood. But he and my aunt have a decision to make very soon. She's been on unpaid family leave the past month but if she doesn't return to work on 3 January her company will no longer pay their insurance premiums. So she could stay in the hospital w/ him for two more months but would be forced to pay the premiums herself. I have no idea how much they are but having been in this situation previously, I can tell you my premiums were formidable. It's not that they can't afford it -- I just don't know what they're going to do. He's not spent a single night in the hospital alone and there's nothing to make me believe he's unable to -- Aunt Pat just doesn't want him to be alone. But Uncle Rex, Daddy and she are the only ones who stay w/ him.

Finally, after long, hard thought and prayers I've chosen my single New Year's Resolution: I intend to pay it forward. You might think of it as determining my own karma -- no matter. But w/ only one resolution that I'm extremely determined about I have no doubt this will be one very rare success story of my life. The only other success of my life I found many years later I actually failed and failed miserably at. No more. Never again.

Later --